I was a drag queen in my last life. My name was Peaches McQueen – Mercury and I was a part-time false lash model and full-time Studio 54 dancer. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. This happened. It did!
In light of this fact, it’s a given that I’d have a slightly unnatural obsession with Rupaul’s Drag Race. It seriously may be the second best show in the history of life. (Only second to Saved by the Bell) Besides being entertaining, inspirational and FIERCE, Drag Race is also educational. It could totally be on PBS airing directly following a Wayne Dyer special.
Let me share what I’ve learned:
People that say “more is less” are stupid. More is more. Give me big hair, tarantula lashes, bold brows and a neon lips over a subtle look any day. Thanks to the Queens, I will no longer subscribe to the idea that I cannot rock a smoky eye and a sickenin’ purple lip at the same time. Don’t like it? Gag.
5 o’clock shadows are NOT okay at any time of day: I’m all about feminism. As a matter- of –fact, I can feminize with the best of them. However, I do not now – nor will I ever believe that it is okay for a lady (or lady-boy) to walk around with a fully beat face with a mustache peeking through her MAC Studio Fix. It’s simply uncivilized.
Contouring is an art that was created and perfected by the Gods: Who but Zeus and Aphrodite could create a process so amazing as to take a biological male and chisel his visage into a mug so beautiful that can rival beauties like Angelina, Beyonce and J.Lo? Think about it. I’ll wait… Contouring correctly takes quite a bit of skill. I mean, you have to know the anatomy of the face, have a more than a rudimentary knowledge color theory, and the ability to beat a face within an inch of its life. Remember, contouring is NOT just for the queens. Want to highlight those beautiful eyes and fab cheek bones. Girl, contour like your life depends on it. Your face will be SNATCHED.
Saying “realness” after a noun makes you automatically morph into a more glamorous version of said noun. The ‘girls’ on Drag Race incessantly indicate that they are serving *insert fabulous noun here* realness. Example: “I’m serving Sofia Vegara realness on this stage.” This means that the drag attire that said queen has chosen rivals the shape and beauty of Sofia Vergas. Furthermore, it illustrates and celebrates the skill that it takes for a man to transform his look to mimic that of a biological woman. In many cases the result is better than the “real” version. Get it? Got it? Good. Now try to use it in a sentence today.
Now that I’m back in the fold and fully educated, I’m ready to serve Peaches McQueen – Mercury 2012 realness. Now sashay away – until next time, Beauties.