Before brow wax:
Is this the wrong shade of eyeshadow for me or something? I feel like my makeup stopped working today. Is everything in my makeup bag expired or something? Maybe I should go to Sephora and look for new makeup. Actually, I don’t think it’s the makeup. I think it’s my hair. I have the worst hair on the planet. Didn’t I just brush it? And it’s already a tangled mess again? How does that happen? How does it not happen to everyone else? I wonder if anyone would question me if I started wearing wigs or if they’d just think, Oh, well, she had such terrible hair, I don’t blame her. Maybe it’s just the lighting in here. Natural sunlight is unforgiving.
But I looked just as bad at home this morning. So it’s not the lighting; it’s me. And when did I get so fat? Because clearly, I am fat. This outfit is so unflattering; why did I think it was a good idea? Ugh, I need to buy new clothes and new makeup. Can I afford it? No. I need a raise, but I haven’t gotten one. It’s probably because I’m fat and have bad hair. If I was better looking, I’d definitely be making more money. If I got a raise, I wouldn’t have to eat this terribly depressing tuna salad I packed for lunch. I bet if I weren’t so fat and didn’t have such terrible hair and makeup, I would have gotten a raise by now. They must think I’m unprofessional because I don’t care about my appearance. But why do I have to be thin and have great hair to get ahead at work? We really just live in a terrible world.
After brow wax:
Well that didn’t hurt a bit. Gosh, I love all this natural sunlight streaming into the salon. Natural lighting is really the best. It makes me feel so happy. Must be all that Vitamin D. Every building should have huge windows and skylights. Wow, I really love this eye shadow. But you know what? I don’t even need to wear makeup. Screw makeup! Let’s all just be ourselves, ladies! Gosh, look at how flat my tummy looked when I stood up. Either these jeans are the greatest jeans ever or I swear I’ve lost weight since I was here two weeks ago. Actually these jeans are pretty cute; I kinda want to take a picture of my outfit today and text it to my friends. Especially since I’m having such a good hair day. I got so lucky with my hair. Sure it has a mind of its own, but that’s because it’s independent, much like I am. My independence is a good thing. It’s totally why I’m doing so well at work lately. I think I’m going to out to lunch at that cute cafe next door. I should treat myself for all my hard work lately. I know my bosses see how hard I’m working and that’s why they value me and pay me as well as they do. I’m so lucky to be living in the world we live in.