My boyfriend tells me I look beautiful when I wake up in the morning. Of course, I kind of think he's lying just to get a little morning action, but in the back of my head I'm also thinking, "Dude, you do not know what I go through to look this way." From waxing my mustache to smearing my face with some weird egg-yolk mask and slathering my bacne with zit cream, I darn well better look good when I wake up in the morning. But he doesn't know about this. He doesn't know anything other than I wake up looking "great." That's because I go entirely out of my way to hide it from him.
Now, there is something to be said for being open with your man, but I think we all have embarrassing, less-than-sexy beauty regimens or products that we tend to hide from our lovers in an effort to maintain the sexy facade. After all, nothing kills the mood more than, "Oh, don't kiss me there honey, I just put on my zit cream." And if you lay down for a sensual massage, the last thing you want to hear from your BF is a gasp at the site of your bacne.
Here are some of the ways I hide my most embarrassing beauty and skin care regimens.
Hiding my hairiness
Thank god they found a way to make razors kind of sexy looking, so my curvy pink Venus can hold its own in the shower. Still, I would be less than thrilled if my boyf poked his head in while I was showering to find me twisted into a pretzel to get at those hard-to-reach spots – you know which spots I'm talking about. Of course, so does he, but does he need to know I go to such great lengths to make them hair-free?? I think not. That's why I always make sure to fully clean out my razor after every use and that bikini line razor burn cream stays tucked away where only I can find it.
The same goes for the more obvious hairs that need to be removed. Yes, I wax my "lady 'stache," but I either get it done at the salon when I'm "getting a haircut" or do it on a night when he's out with the boys.
Stowing my skin products
Obviously my boyfriend knows I have a couple pimples here and there (and everywhere?) but there is something about that clinical-looking Neutrogena body acne wash bottle that makes me hide it when we hop in the shower together.
I keep my acne products and wrinkle creams tucked away in a basket on the top shelf in the bathroom. It's there, it's accessible, but those promises to zap "whiteheads, blackheads and other blemishes" are hidden from sight. Bonus: my interior designer sister tells me it's a much more feng shui way to store my cosmetics.
Concealing the concealer
I will never forget the look on my man's face when he first saw me curling my eyelashes. "What is, that, some kind of South Asian torture device?" he gasped. I explained, and we laughed, but that poor thing still doesn't know how much that magical tool helps make my "beautiful blue eyes" pop.
You always hear that tons of makeup is a turn off for guys – they prefer a natural, low-maintenance lady. When they see your bin of twelve different types of foundation, bronzers, eyeliners and other beauty products, they will probably run the other way. That's why I keep only the basics out where I need them.
Now, I'm all about being a modern woman and my boyfriend is all about accepting me, even the gross parts, but there are some things I know he doesn't want to see. I mean, I don't particularly want to watch him treat the fungus on his feet, either. There are some times when I'm okay with not sharing or baring it all.